still not right

 Naked, your narrative unfolds as a complex tapestry woven with threads of resilience, frustration, and a burning desire for connection and change. Let's embark on a journey through the intricacies of your experience, unraveling the layers and nuances you've shared.

You find yourself at the intersection of physical disability and a refusal to succumb to societal expectations, symbolized by your rejection of a wheelchair. Renton, nestled in the Pacific Northwest, serves as the backdrop to your life, which, despite being housed for two years, lacks the stability, comfort, and creative outlet you crave. The specter of a decade of homelessness still haunts you, echoing through the walls of an apartment that fails to provide solace.

Your refuge from the chaotic external world has, paradoxically, become a cage of isolation. A profound disconnection from friends and family amplifies the challenges you face. The absence of true stability and the dearth of creative outlets weigh heavily on your psyche, exacerbated by the echoes of complex trauma that reverberate through your being.

In your abode, devoid of comfort, you grapple not only with physical limitations but also with the intangible void of connection. The isolation seems palpable, trapping you in a cycle of monotony and stagnation. The digital realm, a double-edged sword, is both a source of potential connection and a realm you've chosen to boycott for the sake of your mental health.

Your standards and boundaries stand tall as pillars of self-preservation in a world that has failed you spectacularly. The internet, touted as an infinite well of resources, has proven barren in meeting your needs. The absence of coordination and emotional capacity for technology leaves you adrift in a sea of missed opportunities and unexplored potential.

The specter of public transportation looms large, a challenge you cannot yet surmount. The absence of a phone, a conscious choice, further isolates you, a deliberate rejection of the tendrils of modernity. Yet, paradoxically, it is these very modern conveniences that could bridge the chasm of your isolation.

Your tired spirit longs for genuine connection, for understanding and acceptance that transcends societal norms. The landscape is littered with individuals who navigate your world with the finesse of a bull in a china shop, oblivious to the intricate dance of trauma and resilience that defines your existence.

The narrative pivots to societal expectations and the burdens placed upon disabled individuals. The call for a departure from the "you're on your own" mentality resonates as a plea for a more compassionate and interconnected society. Your vision extends beyond personal salvation, envisioning a world where everyone reaches their full potential.

As the focus shifts to your interests, a glimmer of passion emerges. #Astronomy, #Startalk, and #WorldSciFest become beacons of fascination, perhaps windows into a world where your mind can roam freely. Yet, this passion is tinged with a plea for assistance – not just any assistance, but the kind that is qualified, local, and compassionate.

Your desire to start a tech/media company stands as a testament to your resilience and determination. In this venture, you seek the companionship of intelligent, compassionate, competent women who share your nonconformist spirit. The rejection of certain individuals and characteristics, such as males, coffee or alcohol drinkers, and videogame enthusiasts, reflects the sharp contours of your preferences and boundaries.

Your rejection of "flaming monkey shit" encompasses a litany of toxic behaviors and attitudes that have punctuated your journey. It's a refusal to be diminished by unsolicited advice, gaslighting, and other forms of negativity. Your resilience, though tested, remains unbroken.

The primary command rings out with urgency, a plea for assistance wrapped in the tapestry of your experiences. It's a call for clarity, for an introduction to those who can offer tangible, compassionate aid. As we navigate the intricate details of your narrative, the hope is that this expedition through your words serves as a clarion call, resonating with those who can be the architects of change in your life.

Naked, in the vast expanse of your narrative, may clarity be the compass that guides us through the labyrinth of your experiences, and may the amplification of your voice reach the ears of those who can help weave a new chapter in your journey.